Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Campaign First Challenge: Shadows

Hey everybody! Today I'm posting my entry for the First Campaign Challenge! (I know I'm a little late, but hopefully that's okay).

Here are the rules:

Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words "The door swung open" These four words will be included in the word count.

If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words "the door swung shut". (Also included in the word count.)

For those of you who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!

So here I go, EXACTLY 200 words!

Shadows

The door swung open. Fear began to crawl through her, turning her blood cold. The light of the moon shattered the darkness around her. Shadows spilled slowly into the room like suffocating tar. They had found her.

"Dara," they whispered. An electric chill shot through her. They would show her no mercy. "Dara," they called again.

Her stomach twisted inside her, as if trying to escape. She breathed deeply, hardly making a sound. Her hands were shaking. He betrayed me. She closed her eyes remembering him. He told me it would be alright. A pang of regret hit her. And he lied. She tried hard to keep her fear under control. When she was sure the shadows were gone, she stood. Moonlight was still shining through the open door. Taking a step forward, the old floor creaked beneath her. She cursed under her breath. Something shot across her vision.

With a horrific screech, the shadows returned. Her heart stopped dead at the blood chilling sound. She could feel the breath of darkness on her skin. With sickening realization, she knew she couldn't escape. She tried to scream as terror swept through her. Darkness enclosed the room, and the door swung shut.


--Jess


P.S.
If you really really like my post, go here and click 'like' under my name to vote for me! (I'm #235!) And I was inspired by David Powers King's post yesterday to write it in a POV that I'm not used to... I usually write in first person, present tense, so this was quite a change for me!

45 comments:

MISH said...

Excellent piece ... loved your pacing and the tension was just right too ! Are you sure that you're 14 ? Well done !
My entry is no.#59

Michael Haynes said...

Very nicely done. MISH's comment was along the same lines of my thoughts -- I know this is better than what I was writing at 14! :)

If you want to check mine out, I'm #131.

Good luck!

Tara said...

Terrific writing! You did a fantastic job with with 200 words.

Great to meet you!

Gretchen said...

Way to go in a POV and tense you're not used to, braver girl than I. I loved your 200 exact words.

Francesca Zappia said...

Great job! I envy people who can write in first person present--I'm usually pretty bad at it, so I stick with my first/third person past...

Francesca Zappia said...

Also, I went to vote for you and you were #235. Just thought you should know! :D

Jess said...

Mish~ Thanks so much! And I'll be 15 on September 15th so I guess I won't be 14 for much longer!

Michael~ Thanks so much! I'll be sure to check it out.

Tara~ Thanks for following :)

Gretchen~ Thanks! I kept getting confused and trying to write in present tense LOL it took me a few drafts to get it all right!

Francesca~ Thanks for stopping by! And thanks for the heads up I'll change it haha

catherinemjohnson.wordpress.com said...

Great entry, very suspenseful and creepy.

David Powers King said...

Fantastic, Jess!

That voice and the way this girl percieved it really stirred the fear factor in me. Such a great voice you've developed, and so fast! :)

Anita said...

Cooool! Will watch for shadows today.

Isis Rushdan said...

You really did have great pacing and loved the suspense. WTG!!

Ron Smith said...

Wow, that got me. Very...visceral.

Nice voice you have, Jess.

Jani said...

I like how dark it is. Love it!

Steph Schmidt said...

Cliches aside, it's a great voice you have going in that excerpt.

Jocelyn Rish said...

Very suspenseful! And I like that you worked in a hint of a back story with the guy betraying her.

Talli Roland said...

What a fantastic piece of flash fiction, Jess! You've got talent!

Jess said...

Thanks for all the wonderful comments everyone!

Pk Hrezo said...

Awesome, Jess! Lots of tension!! Write on, sister. ;)

salarsenッ said...

Ooh, I LOVE the tar comparison! Beautiful and quite telling. ;D

Christine Danek said...

Great job Jessica! I'm impressed. Great tension.

elizabethanne said...

Oh wow, Jess! That was so very well done! I was leaning forward, the anxiety increasing with each word. You have a great future as a writer!

bridgetstraub.com said...

Great tension, nicely done. Mine is #72

Crystal Collier said...

Here's a big fat "like". Awesome job!

Jessica Therrien said...

Jess! This was so great :) I loved the description... "The light of the moon shattered the darkness around her." Awesome writing!

prerna pickett said...

heart pounding suspense! I really enjoyed this:-)

Theresa Milstein said...

Good job trying a new POV and tense. I wonder how she was betrayed and what the shadows have in store for her. Great job!

My entry is #16, if you want to check it out.

Shiraz Akhtar said...

Terrific horror story with towering suspense. Well done!

Elana Johnson said...

Great job! I don't know how anyone writes in anything but first person, honestly.

Jess said...

Thanks everyone!

Len Lambert said...

Impressive! I can feel the suspense!

Shallee said...

I'm extremely creeped out. :) Great job.

Michelle Merrill said...

Good job at trying a different POV! I'm scared to do that.

Good job on the challenge. Definitely feeling the creepy factor :)

Pamela Mason said...

Chilling and creepy!

J.L. Campbell said...

Dara's caught in the middle of a nightmare indeed.

Angelina C. Hansen said...

Well done, Jess. I'm impressed. Great to see young writers on the campaign trail!

Sheri L. Swift said...

Way to go! I wanted to find out who betrayed her and what happened next! ; )

Tia Bach said...

Wow, one of my favorites. The tension left me hanging on, wanting more. Excellent!

Alica McKenna Johnson said...

Great job-very creepy

Melissa Dean said...

CONGRATULATIONS! You have been shortlisted as one of the top 5 to move on to stage two. There will be a semi-final (stage three) and a final (stage four).

I judged this round and found your piece to be exceptional! Congrats!

Cindy said...

I'm stopping in to let you know that your entry has been chosen to move onto the semi-finals.

Congrats!

Cindy.

li said...

I like that you stepped out of your comfort zone and wrote from a different POV - and it came off very nicely! Also..I see it made it into the semi-finals, congrats! (Not a campaigner this time around as my schedule is chock-a-block full but I'm following along.)

Jess said...

Thanks for stopping by everyone!

Cindy & Melissa Dean~ No way!! Thank you so much! I'm so excited! :)

Michael McDuffee said...

Hi Jess,

I liked your entry. I'd stick with literary past tense if I were you - it's the natural way that people tell stories to one another, and you'll have a much easier time getting your stories out there if you do. Present tense works for a handful of writers, but in many cases ends up being an impediment to the story that some are talented enough to overcome - at least that was the sentiment of a super-famous writer when I asked him about the present tense in his writing class, and I'm inclined to agree.

Congratulations on making it through to the next round. It's well-deserved!

Karen said...

I'm impressed!! It's wonderful to see a homeschooler doing such a great job!! I homeschool my 4 kids and pray that all the hard work will pay off! You are inspiring! :)

F.E. Sewell said...

Awesome! I still can't believe you're fifteen! Well done!

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