Hey everybody! Today I'm posting my entry for the First Campaign Challenge! (I know I'm a little late, but hopefully that's okay).
Here are the rules:
Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words "The door swung open" These four words will be included in the word count.
If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words "the door swung shut". (Also included in the word count.)
For those of you who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!
So here I go, EXACTLY 200 words!
Shadows
The door swung open. Fear began to crawl through her, turning her blood cold. The light of the moon shattered the darkness around her. Shadows spilled slowly into the room like suffocating tar. They had found her.
"Dara," they whispered. An electric chill shot through her. They would show her no mercy. "Dara," they called again.
Her stomach twisted inside her, as if trying to escape. She breathed deeply, hardly making a sound. Her hands were shaking. He betrayed me. She closed her eyes remembering him. He told me it would be alright. A pang of regret hit her. And he lied. She tried hard to keep her fear under control. When she was sure the shadows were gone, she stood. Moonlight was still shining through the open door. Taking a step forward, the old floor creaked beneath her. She cursed under her breath. Something shot across her vision.
With a horrific screech, the shadows returned. Her heart stopped dead at the blood chilling sound. She could feel the breath of darkness on her skin. With sickening realization, she knew she couldn't escape. She tried to scream as terror swept through her. Darkness enclosed the room, and the door swung shut.
--Jess
P.S.
If you really really like my post, go here and click 'like' under my name to vote for me! (I'm #235!) And I was inspired by David Powers King's post yesterday to write it in a POV that I'm not used to... I usually write in first person, present tense, so this was quite a change for me!
--Jess
P.S.
If you really really like my post, go here and click 'like' under my name to vote for me! (I'm #235!) And I was inspired by David Powers King's post yesterday to write it in a POV that I'm not used to... I usually write in first person, present tense, so this was quite a change for me!
45 comments:
Excellent piece ... loved your pacing and the tension was just right too ! Are you sure that you're 14 ? Well done !
My entry is no.#59
Very nicely done. MISH's comment was along the same lines of my thoughts -- I know this is better than what I was writing at 14! :)
If you want to check mine out, I'm #131.
Good luck!
Terrific writing! You did a fantastic job with with 200 words.
Great to meet you!
Way to go in a POV and tense you're not used to, braver girl than I. I loved your 200 exact words.
Great job! I envy people who can write in first person present--I'm usually pretty bad at it, so I stick with my first/third person past...
Also, I went to vote for you and you were #235. Just thought you should know! :D
Mish~ Thanks so much! And I'll be 15 on September 15th so I guess I won't be 14 for much longer!
Michael~ Thanks so much! I'll be sure to check it out.
Tara~ Thanks for following :)
Gretchen~ Thanks! I kept getting confused and trying to write in present tense LOL it took me a few drafts to get it all right!
Francesca~ Thanks for stopping by! And thanks for the heads up I'll change it haha
Great entry, very suspenseful and creepy.
Fantastic, Jess!
That voice and the way this girl percieved it really stirred the fear factor in me. Such a great voice you've developed, and so fast! :)
Cooool! Will watch for shadows today.
You really did have great pacing and loved the suspense. WTG!!
Wow, that got me. Very...visceral.
Nice voice you have, Jess.
I like how dark it is. Love it!
Cliches aside, it's a great voice you have going in that excerpt.
Very suspenseful! And I like that you worked in a hint of a back story with the guy betraying her.
What a fantastic piece of flash fiction, Jess! You've got talent!
Thanks for all the wonderful comments everyone!
Awesome, Jess! Lots of tension!! Write on, sister. ;)
Ooh, I LOVE the tar comparison! Beautiful and quite telling. ;D
Great job Jessica! I'm impressed. Great tension.
Oh wow, Jess! That was so very well done! I was leaning forward, the anxiety increasing with each word. You have a great future as a writer!
Great tension, nicely done. Mine is #72
Here's a big fat "like". Awesome job!
Jess! This was so great :) I loved the description... "The light of the moon shattered the darkness around her." Awesome writing!
heart pounding suspense! I really enjoyed this:-)
Good job trying a new POV and tense. I wonder how she was betrayed and what the shadows have in store for her. Great job!
My entry is #16, if you want to check it out.
Terrific horror story with towering suspense. Well done!
Great job! I don't know how anyone writes in anything but first person, honestly.
Thanks everyone!
Impressive! I can feel the suspense!
I'm extremely creeped out. :) Great job.
Good job at trying a different POV! I'm scared to do that.
Good job on the challenge. Definitely feeling the creepy factor :)
Chilling and creepy!
Dara's caught in the middle of a nightmare indeed.
Well done, Jess. I'm impressed. Great to see young writers on the campaign trail!
Way to go! I wanted to find out who betrayed her and what happened next! ; )
Wow, one of my favorites. The tension left me hanging on, wanting more. Excellent!
Great job-very creepy
CONGRATULATIONS! You have been shortlisted as one of the top 5 to move on to stage two. There will be a semi-final (stage three) and a final (stage four).
I judged this round and found your piece to be exceptional! Congrats!
I'm stopping in to let you know that your entry has been chosen to move onto the semi-finals.
Congrats!
Cindy.
I like that you stepped out of your comfort zone and wrote from a different POV - and it came off very nicely! Also..I see it made it into the semi-finals, congrats! (Not a campaigner this time around as my schedule is chock-a-block full but I'm following along.)
Thanks for stopping by everyone!
Cindy & Melissa Dean~ No way!! Thank you so much! I'm so excited! :)
Hi Jess,
I liked your entry. I'd stick with literary past tense if I were you - it's the natural way that people tell stories to one another, and you'll have a much easier time getting your stories out there if you do. Present tense works for a handful of writers, but in many cases ends up being an impediment to the story that some are talented enough to overcome - at least that was the sentiment of a super-famous writer when I asked him about the present tense in his writing class, and I'm inclined to agree.
Congratulations on making it through to the next round. It's well-deserved!
I'm impressed!! It's wonderful to see a homeschooler doing such a great job!! I homeschool my 4 kids and pray that all the hard work will pay off! You are inspiring! :)
Awesome! I still can't believe you're fifteen! Well done!
Post a Comment