Monday, October 17, 2011

Third Campaigner Challenge: Synbatec Island

Alright, this post is part of Rachael Harrie's Campaign. This is the third and final challenge! I'm really going to miss the Campaign! I've had so much fun and met so many new and awesome bloggers!! Anyway, here's the challenge:




Write a blog post in 300 words or less, excluding the title. The post can be in any format, whether flash fiction, non-fiction, humorous blog musings, poem, etc. The blog post should show:
  • that it’s morning, 

  • that a man or a woman (or both) is at the beach

  • that the MC (main character) is bored

  • that something stinks behind where he/she is sitting

  • that something surprising happens.
Just for fun, see if you can involve all five senses AND include these random words: "synbatec," "wastopaneer," and "tacise."   (NB. these words are completely made up and are not intended to have any meaning other than the one you give them).

So here's my entry:

Synbatec Island


Of all the things he told me, one remains clear. He was one of the last that could remember a sunrise. I’m cursed with the knowledge that such a thing existed. He used to speak of a time when pink and gold drops of light fell from the sun and into the clouds.



I stand on the island of Synbatec. He said that the sunrise was most beautiful here. During the war, countries rose and fell, but nothing could destroy the skies of Synbatec. Nothing except for the Tacise. The Young had predicted it. But the Elders couldn’t see it coming.

I look up at the dark green and grey clouds. They didn’t see. I almost laugh out of anger. I reach down and feel the grainy sand slip through my fingers.



The sea used to be beautiful. And so was the beach. I close my eyes and try to imagine a time when the skies and oceans were blue. I imagine families coming here to enjoy the view. A woman sits with her husband as they watch the waves crash in synchronizing harmony. A taste of sea salt is ghostly present. I try to breathe in fresh air of the place but a foul smell fills my nose and lungs. I cough and open my eyes.



Our world used to be beautiful. I glance behind me and see the wasteland of papers and bottles and debris left behind from a glorious civilization. A scrap of wastopaneer is picked up by the wind and blown into the sea. The sea that once had blue, crystal waves is now polluted with junk. The water has turned grey and green from oil. Lightning flashes and I jump in surprise. There’s no longer anything to do, but wait. If only we had known.


***

Yeah I know, not exactly the picture you saw at the top, but oh well. I thought most people would take a happier approach so I chose the 'dark side' for this one.


It's exactly 300 words and I think I used everything in the right way. I'M ENTRY #5. (I know! I actually made it in really early!) If you like it, vote for me here!

--Jess

100 comments:

Christy Farmer said...

Like the environmental consciousness happening here Jess. Good Job :)

Lydia Kang said...

Ooh, I can see that oily water. Well done!

Sonia Lal said...

I love it! Not exactly the pic, no, but it's good enough! You paint the world wonderfully.

Christine Rains said...

It doesn't matter if it's like the picture. That was great! I love your use of the words and the sci-fi world you created. Nicely done.

Kerrin said...

nicely done. I love the ease of your words and the terrible evocativeness of destruction.
Nice!

Ruth Josse said...

Fantasitc job! I can sense the desolation and hopelessness of world you created.

Katie Dodge said...

Wow! 15? You are one talented girl! Well done, I really loved it! :D

Carrie Butler said...

That was fantastic, Jess! (It reminded me of this old PSA. Classic!) Great job! :)

Jess said...

Katie~ Thank you for following :)

Carrie~ I just got through watching it. Loved it. Thanks for sharing :)

meradeth said...

Love it! Yay for the darker entries :)

Angela Cothran said...

I love this Jess :) Your writing is beautiful!

Jen said...

This is great. You have a fantastic style, and "dark" is always good!
Mine is #25.

Tara Tyler said...

great job, jess. you made me feel the loss

J. A. Bennett said...

Sad picture! But I like your use of imagery :)

K.T. Hanna said...

This is really good, Jess. Vivid imagery and a great sense of loss. Love your take on the challenge.

David Powers King said...

You're rock'n this challenge! No surprise. You have great opening hooks and your world setting pulled me right in. There's even room for dystopian in there, somewhere. Good stuff, Jess! :)

kmckendry said...

I love the line "pink and gold drops of light..." great imagery! Great entry! :)

Jess said...

Thanks for stopping by everyone :)

K.T. Hannah~ Thanks!

David~ Hooks are kinda my thing. Keeping it that way through the rest of the passage is the hard part!

kmckendry (mom)~ Thanks. I was hoping that line didn't sound cheesy when I wrote it LOL :)

Alynza Smith said...

You have lovely writing and I would love to read the rest of the story! Very descriptive. Awesome job :)

K. M. Walton said...

Nice! Great descriptions as well.

Sheri L. Swift said...

Jess, even with the darker-side I loved it. You make me appreciate what we have & hope others heed the warning! Very nice! ; )

Monkey Man said...

I like writing on the darker side. Nice to meet you.

cleemckenzie said...

Hurray! You've met the challenge and done it exceedingly well.

yikici said...

Jess, this is written with care and great thought! Despite it portraying a grim outlook, it is certainly a good way to bring environmental issues in to the challenge. Clever! :)

Elizabeth Varadan aka Mrs. Seraphina said...

Lovely writing! "A taste of sea salt is ghostly present." Wonderful. The whole thing has such atmosphere and such a sense of memory and loss. Beautiful job. I've voting for you.

Jenny S. Morris said...

Great imagery! I went for dark as well. Love it.

Laura said...

Oh yes... great job! I could see everything you described and smelled it all too... so good!
Lx

glitterword said...

Is a beautiful story, sad but pretty to read. I wonder if the character's goal is to make the sun reflect the way it used to.

Shallee said...

Love the dark twist on what we think is a classically beautiful place! Thanks for sharing. :)

Nick Hight said...

This. Is. Fantastic. I loved the dystopian feel and I could completely picture the darkness of the beach. Great work! Voting :)

Miranda Hardy said...

I love Dystopian! Great twist on the challenge. You have my vote.

Bonnie Rae said...

Oh I love how you incorporated the words! Really neat!

treelight said...

I'm glad I got the right number now and found you ;)
This is very well written, like a picture painted with words.

Jolene Perry said...

Way cool!!

I likey :D

Mel Fowler said...

I really did enjoy it. It is a good 'green' message. Your description of the ocean past was phenomonal though. Good job!

Steph Schmidt said...

Very haunting descriptions as everyone else has been saying. Excellent job too working the challenge words in with aplomb.

Reiko said...

Your point of view comes across loud and clear within the word-count limit. Great writing!

Lori M. Lee said...

Great imagery. I could picture how desolate the beach must look.

Fairview said...

I am impressed with your dystopic world! Good job!

Rachel said...

The story gives a great sense of atmosphere, it is like I'm standing there with them.

Doctor FTSE said...

Are you really only 15? Very strong, perceptive writing which achieves its effects without overdoing them. Well done.

AveryMarsh said...

Evocative, entertaining, and so well written. Bravo. Good luck with the challenge!

And thanks for the follow. ;) Followed you back. Can't wait to see more from you.

A.J. Mullarky said...

Brilliant, I loved it! Well done for incorporating those words, very imaginative :)

MISH said...

Well done - you've crafted a beautiful piece!

elizabethanne said...

Fantastic, evocative writing! This should be used as a warning to our society of what could happen if we don't care for our earth. Excellent. Heading to click 'like'.

rddenton said...

This was fantastically done. I think the first paragraph is honestly one of the best I've ever read -- in just a few sentences, you drew me in, laid a new world out before me, and gave me an expectation to shed everything I knew to learn everything you had to teach me during the short length of this piece.

A wonderful read, Jess!

bridgetstraub.com said...

You are right that it's dark but it's beautifully done. Nice job. Mine is #56

Chipper Muse said...

I enjoyed your take on the Challenge. Your piece has a nice sci-fi twist, reminds me of Ray Bradbury (who I admire very much). Great job!

Candy Fite said...

Great entry, Jess...a writer, and 15, and a violinist, and figure skating! Wow, quite the talent. I find it amazing your so interested in the universe. I wish there were more of "us" out there concerned!

This piece really gets ya thinking!

LadyJai said...

Wow! So realistic. It could very well be something so close to home. You painted our possible future quite well. Although, maybe we can learn from it! :D

Abby said...

Hello Jess! Thanks for visiting my blog! I am now following yours. Great job on this challenge! I love it!

Abby - #58

Michelle Chaston said...

Brilliant! I enjoyed the picture that was painted by your words.

Madeline Mora-Summonte said...

We didn't need an actual picture of Synbatec Island because you painted one for us. :) Well done!

Leslie Rose said...

I'm wowed. I want to know more about this cool world you are building.

Jessica Therrien said...

GREAT story Jess. I could picture everything so well. You really created a gloomy world. I loved it!

jana-denardo said...

I loved your dystopic take on the challenge. You drew me right in.

E. Barrett said...

Beautiful apocalyptic scene.

Maeve Frazier said...

Lovely writing. Great imagery. Great job!

E. Arroyo said...

Kinda sad how her world changed. Nice job.

J. A. Bennett said...

Hey Jess! it was so great to meet you this week! I just wanted to ask you where you lived becasue my little sister (16) is a figure skater as well. (Wouldn't it be fun if you guys competed against each other?) Anyway, random thought, I know. :)

jessicaaspen.com said...

What a great entry! I too went futuristic and dark, we must have that in common. :)
Love the way you used the "words"!

Jessica Aspen #74

Claire said...

Very sci-fi. Really liked the way you incorporated all the elements, so creative, if a bit sad and dark.

natz said...

Owh. What a tragedy. Hope we don't actually do that to our world.

Great post. :)

Michael Haynes said...

Good work!

Like you said, I'll miss having these little challenges popping up.

I thought that this one in particular was very practical, asking us to use "show not tell" thinking.

Medeia Sharif said...

Fantastic description, albeit sad. I'm going to "like" it. :)

Have a wonderful weekend.

Laura said...

Hi Jess - just to let you know I tagged you and there are some questions over at http://dailydodo.blogspot.com/2011/10/memes-and-awards-and.html for you :)
Lx

Mark said...

Hi Jess,

Thanks for the vote/comment and I'm doing the same :)

For someone so young, to have your talents... phew, God bless ye! (I sooo wish I could've recognized my love of writing at your age!)

I loved the dark and sad angle to your story... hope it never comes true...

Brinda said...

I'm very impressed. Great job!

Lady Gwen said...

Jess, you are going places, girl! Loved your entry. I'm #65, returning your visit:)

Isis Rushdan said...

Great job! I could visualize everything. I'm way behind, my entry is #88.

Tyffani said...

Very nice! Great visuals!

Rubye Jack said...

Very poignant story Jess. We could use more sci-fi in this world.
Thanks for visiting my blog. I'm going to start following yours also.

Jennifer Young said...

Very unique. You had me at your second line. Great opening!!!

Susan Barclay said...

Very well done, Jessica! Well written and intriguing! (Thanks for reading my entry - #92 -too) :)

Lorelei said...

Very good imagination. I liked this for the fact you thought outside the box. Nicely done!

Sarah P. said...

You're 15?? Seriously?? Then you're going to have a long, successful career ahead of you. You know how to write!
Excellent entry. You rock!

Marcy said...

This is great! Not at all what I was thinking. It's been fun reading your posts all through the challenge. Good luck with your move and with your writing!

Sher A. Hart said...

Great job with the senses and the sense of waste and loss.

The Golden Eagle said...

Great description! And I love that there's a Dystopian/Futuristic feel to it. :)

thepatientdreamer.com said...

Lovely description, you have quite a flair. Enjoyed this very much.

Joanna said...

Strong entry Jess. Sad and probably fair futuristic look at our world. Excellent writing.

Patricia T. said...

Jess,
An excellent entry. It made me shudder, as I thought this could be a reality if we aren't careful. Great job.

Patricia

Jess said...

Fantastic job! I really like the concept that only one person can remember the way it was before. Lovely.

mooderino said...

That was great, very original approach.

mood (now following)
Moody Writing
@mooderino

kelworthfiles said...

Sometimes gloominess can be good. Thanks for joining in with the campaign challenge!

Michelle Merrill said...

Great job! I love your take on this with the whole, 'what could have been.' And you have great details that add so many layers :)

Katy said...

You did a fabulous job capturing mood with all the details you included. I'm a fan, and I think this could be the beginning of a really amazing story!

Deniz Bevan said...

That *is* a dark side, but so well told. I do hope we're all wise enough for things never to turn out that badly.

L.A Speedwing said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
L.A Speedwing said...

Sorry put a comment and noticed I misspelled a word! So I deleted it! ;-) Jess you did right to go with the dark side! It works. I like it a lot. Original take on it.

Damyanti said...

The last line has tons of impact.

Lena Corazon said...

Jess, this is wonderfully written, and captures so much vivid detail and nuance. Dystopian fiction is some of my favorite, and you do a wonderful job of evoking environmental issues and a sense of decay quite well. Excellent job!

Jes said...

I loved the first paragraph the most!--> This was really well done; feels like there's a whole novel behind this one scene. Very well wrought. Kudos!

jonyangorg said...

I can't tell if I'm more jealous of your youth or your story. Both probably! Love the use of the extra credit words! (Thanks for saying hi!)

Tia Bach said...

Wow, amazing. You did so much with this challenge. I'm impressed and heading over to vote now. Again, wow!

Kurt Hartwig said...

Beautifully, dully sad. I particularly liked that the narrator is cursed with knowing what a sunrise might have looked like. Lovely!

kelly said...

When you said that the description didn't match the picture, I thought, "really? I thought it did." So then I scrolled up and sure enough, the picture was of a beautiful island. You did such a great job of painting a dark, dirty world that I saw the picture in my mind as clear as if you'd posted one.

Great job!

Barbara V. Evers said...

Nice take on the words. I love that wastopaneer is some form of waste. I, also, liked that you took the different angle by having the Young recognize the danger rather than the Elders.

Holly Vance said...

At first I thought the piece was from the perspective of a vampire. I should have maybe . . . uh paid attention to your blog design.

Good stuff. Humbling.

Heather said...

I really like "dark" (you've visited my blog, so you know that about me!) and I love what you've done with this post-apocalyptic take on where we are headed...especially if some people continue to ignore climate change...but that's another story! Good job!

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