Much Ado About (my) Queries

Good morning, lovlies!

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and planning out book 3, but I feel like I'm not quite getting it right. Maybe it's just because it's my first draft of an outline, and I can't see it clearly enough in my head.

But since it's supposed to be the last book in my series, I feel like the ending has to be PERFECT. If it's not, I'm not sure if my characters would ever forgive me for it.

The one problem is, I've got like seven different ways I could end it, and they all sound like a good ideas to me! (No, I'm not going to tell you any of them :)

Also, I entered Deana Barnhart's Agent Pitch Contest. I'm so lucky I actually made it into that! Anyway, I'm getting lots of feedback.

The funny thing is, I can't tell if it's good or bad feedback.

My query isn't exactly a traditional query, but everyone's saying they like it. Someone mentioned that I didn't reveal much of the plot though, so I guess that's something I have to change. I also realized that everyone wants to meet my MC, Jaina, in my first 150 words.

Yes, I know all about the prologue discussion.

But my book has a prologue!

It takes place 10 years before the bulk of the story begins, and it's from Jaina's handsome love interest's point of view. And in the end, I think it works for the story. Then again, what do I know? I'm not an editor!

If you guys want to take a look at it, check out my Query: Rise: From the Ashes page. If you have any comments or suggestions, I'd be more than happy to hear them!

Anyway, have a great day!

--Jess

P.S.
I got a MacBook Pro with Retina Display for my birthday :) Thanks for all the awesome birthday comments on Friday!

Pitch Polish (late, once again)

Good morning, everyone! Hope you're week is going great so far!

*POST HAS BEEN UPDATED*

Participating in Dena Barnhart's awesome GUTGAA Pitch Polish bloghop today! I'm not exactly sure if the participants are still going around to other people's posts, but hopefully you guys can help me out with my query a little bit?

Anyway, here it is!

MY NAME: Jessica K. McKendry
MANUSCRIPT TITLE: From the Ashes
GENRE: YA Sci-Fi/Dystopian
WORD COUNT: 116,000

QUERY

Those who are strong are chosen at birth. They are the gifted.

Trained to be highly skilled physically and mentally, they have the potential to become Superiors. They could live out their lives in the Crystal City, the richest, and by far the most beautiful city in the galaxy. But Superiority demands a deadly price.

To gain the title, they must survive the Trials.

Jaina Indera has been training at a Gifted School for sixteen years, waiting for her moment to prove herself worthy of competing in the Trials. Those who don't succeed will be marked as Inferior.

Yet being selected as a competitor is only the beginning. Each school sends a team of eight students to compete in a battle of challenges against other Gifted Schools around the galaxy.

Not all will survive.

In a world where mercy is a weakness, and only the ruthless prevail, Jaina must discover who she is and what she's really fighting for.

FIRST 150 WORDS:

Altair raced through the jungle trees. His heart pounded so hard against his ribs it hurt. His legs wanted to give out. Every breath he took was strained, but he forced himself forward. He only had a little ways to go.

The edge of the jungle came into view, and he charged out into the open. White Tarnoshian marble buildings surrounded the courtyard, towering over him like giants.

A bell rang. Students rushed into the courtyard. The setting sun made the fountain in the center look gold.

Touching the cool stone of the fountain, Altair stopped to catch his breath. When his opponent ran into view, he smiled.

"I won!" he cried.

"Only because you're two years older," Liam protested between gasps. "I bet you weren't as fast as me when you were six."

Altair laughed. "I was way faster."

Liam kicked at a rock on the ground. "I'll beat you in something, someday."

***

Okay, so tear it apart! Be fierce and tell me what I need to fix.

Any suggestions?

Thanks!

Happy Wednesday!

--Jess

First Query Letter... Ever.

Today, I sent off my first query letter.

It was probably the scariest and most exciting thing I'd ever done.

I had her email address in the "Send To" box, and the words Query Letter as the title, but I still wasn't ready.

I switched back to my query letter and read it.

Cut out a 'that'.

Then I read it again.

Reworded a sentence.

Then read it again.

My fingers started to tremble, because I was running out of things I knew how to fix.  And I knew that once I couldn't find anything wrong, I'd have to send it.

I asked my mom to read over it.

Changed another sentence.

When my mom said it was good, I nodded and pasted my query into the email.

Read over it again.

Everything was fine.

I was done.

And being 'done' scared the crap out of me.  I'd never been done before.  Done with a draft, but never like... done. Finished.  The End.

I moused over the 'send' button, but something held me back.  I touched the 'left click' button on the mouse, but couldn't press it.  There had to be something I was missing.

After reading over it ONE. MORE. TIME. I decided I had to go for it.

I took a deep breath and got ready to press it again.

No, actually, I took a deep breath, crossed my fingers, crossed my toes, my legs and my arms and shut my eyes.

Carefully, I pressed it.

But I didn't let go.  I held it down, knowing the moment I picked up my finger, it would be sent.

Then of course, my mom came over and lifted up my hand from my computer.

Message sent.

I spent about an hour trying to stay calm after that.  I'd start cracking up randomly and then feel a little queasy.  Finally, I settled down and was pretty much okay.

How do you guys feel about sending out query letters?  Do you get nervous?


Have an awesome weekend!

--Jess

Cool Contest Post!

Hey guys, I found out about this really cool contest where you could post your query letter and the first 500 words to see if you could win a critique from Sharon Bayliss's editor!  Check out the details HERE.

By the way, I totally get it if you guys don't want to read my query letter and first 500 words, so you can just move down to the previous post if you want :)

Anyway, here's my entry:

Query:


Rise: From the Ashes is the first book in a series of three.  It is a New Adult Sci-Fi novel set in a futuristic version of our galaxy and is approximately 118K words.

Sixteen-year-old Jaina Indera has been training for this moment her entire life.  Ever since the Imperial Alliance genetically selected her to attend a gifted school, she has done her best to be worthy of competing in the Trials.

Being chosen is just the beginning.  Her school will send a team of eight students to compete in a battle of both physical and mental challenges against other Gifted Schools around the galaxy.  If they win, they will enjoy the privileged life of a Superior in the Crystal City, the stronghold of the Imperials.

With the coincidental, sudden appearance of a boy called 'Dragon' and her unsettling dreams two months before the Trials, she begins to question everything she has been taught to believe.

Will she ever find balance between honor, love and the truth behind it all?

First 500 Words:

HIS WHISPERED Cry of agony echoed through the night.  Jaina’s eyes opened with a start and she peered through the barrier of darkness between them. Altair remained motionless in his bed, but Jaina couldn’t bring herself to look away.  The dim lights outside cast ominous shadows into the room and shrouded him in an overwhelming sea of black.  She’d always been afraid of the dark; that’s why Altair let her sleep by the window where the light shined through.

Jaina swallowed her fear and took a deep, shaky breath.  She wanted to close her eyes, but still she watched him.  She had to make sure he was okay.

He rolled over violently and moaned in pain.

“Jaina!” he hissed.  “Jaina! Please!”

She sat up in alarm, and the blanket she was wrapped in fell softly to her waist.   The air felt cold and sharp to her lungs as dread coursed through her veins.  The dark silhouettes grew seemingly darker around Altair.

“Jaina, please! No!”  he cried out again.

She forced herself into the darkness and ran to his side.  Her hands touched his shoulders and she shook him frantically, hoping the cameras hadn’t noticed him yet.

No one stirred from their sleep, but Jaina knew it was only a matter of time before someone heard.  Someone was bound to hear him.

She shook him again.  “Altair, please wake up.  You’re going to wake our classmates,” she whispered to him.

His eyes shot open with an unnatural energy, and she wasn’t sure if she was imagining the red glare in his pupils or if it was really there.  Frightened, Jaina jumped back and her entire body began to quiver.

Instead of his usual calm expression, she saw nothing but darkness.  Her breath was choked and it became hard to breathe.

His clear eyes were clouded with agony, and trained on her.  As if she was the source of his pain.  She would never hurt him; they both knew that.  He was like a brother to her.  He was everything.

Jaina backed away, doing all she could to keep herself from screaming.  His vacant stare was cold and harsh.  She’d never been scared of him before, but this time it was different.  It was like he’d become a different person.

Altair blinked, and it faded.  All of it.  As if it was never there.  Confusion crossed his face as he stared into her eyes.  “Jaina?”

She moved away from him, afraid of what he might do.

He approached her cautiously.  “Jaina, it’s alright.”

She wanted to believe him.  But he had lied.  He’d told her his dreams no longer bothered him.  She felt betrayed.

Her shoulders brushed the back wall.  She wasn’t sure if she should run from him or ask if he was alright.  His usual serenity had been shattered with panic.

“Jaina, I’m okay now.”  His eyes began to look more normal, and she let him take a step closer.

***

Hope you enjoyed! Good luck to everyone in the contest and have a great weekend!

--Jess