Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Awakening (updated version)

Hey guys! Today is the Second Campaigner Challenge! I used three of the prompts and used inspiration from all the pictures. All of my entries are under 200 words (I made three of them). One is a flash fiction, the second is describing the water pear, and the third is a poem with a twist. All three are connected in a way. Hope you guys enjoy!



I look up at the rusty bridge support and lean back against the concrete wall. If only we could make it out of here.

The gash on my leg burns and I moan in agony. But it's not the gash that's killing me. It's the infection. I grit my teeth, wanting to ignore it.

Ravir is at my side. His dark hair is wet from the rain that passed overhead only minutes ago. He pours cool water over my lips and obediently, I swallow.

"Mara," he says, running his fingers through my hair.

"I'm not-" I catch my breath as he pain flairs again. "I'm not goong to make it much longer."

His jaw tightens and his eyes fill with anger. "Don't talk like that. Don't-"

"Tell me a story."

"Mara, please."

"Tell me," I whimper.

His breath is unsteady but he begins. "The ocean stretched out before us. Kids played soccer in a field not far away and we could hear them from the beach..."

"Sounds a lot better than this dump we're at," I remark.

He smiles but I can tell he's hurting for me. "We got up and I helped you to a cave...


"It was dark. Everything about the cave was dark. We could only hear he trickle of distant water in a far off.

A hand gripped your shoulder and you knew it wasn't me. The hand was cold but soothing at the same time. An old man walked out of the darkness. He saw that you were injured. That you were dying.

He held a wooden object, beautifully carved from bamboo. The handle was smooth. It had been passed down throughout he centuries because it was magic. He held it out into a fall of crystal blue water. And instead of softly falling to the floor, the water grew.

It grew into a sphere that rested on the wooden tool, as if there were some invisible, tear-shaped container to hold its frame. It was beautiful. And you gasped as the man held it out to you.

'Take it,' he said.

But you only stared in wonder.

I urged you to take it, and finally you reached out. Your hand rested on the cool, liquid and it rippled with your touch.

'Try it,' said he man.

You brought it to your lips and you drank. And all your pain was gone."


Ravir finished his story,
The sorrow in his eyes burned,
The rain started to pour again,
And pain in my body returned.

"Mara," he said gently,
"I promise you'll be alright."
But I shook my head with tears in my eyes,
Knowing I'd already lost my fight.

"Mar," he continued,
"I know you haven't failed."

Yet I knew the truth, so I replied,
"I don't believe in fairytales."

The darkness closed in, I closed my eyes,
Gold light streamed through my mind,
Pictures faded and a whisper said,
"Mara, you were blind."

There was a stream of water,
There was a wooden spoon,
A pear of liquid rose,
For a promise made too soon.

A taste of food unearthly,
Brought on an energy of healing,
A breath of life flew through me,
And returned to me my feeling.

And I felt Ravir touch me,
Felt his hand squeeze mine,
My will to live returned again,
And finally, I opened my eyes.


Thanks so much for reading! Hope you enjoy! And if you really like it, go vote for me at Rachael Harrie's site. I'm entry # 63!!


Sorry about the formatting of this post! Luckily, I was able to fix and update it!! We're on a cruise right now, so that's why I couldn't post it right the first time. Have a great day!


Cynthia said...

Jessica, thanks for sharing. I'm glad Mara opened her eyes at the end. Nice to visit your blog again!


Cherie Reich said...

Good job! I really like the line "A breath of life flew through me."

Kelley said...

Ooo, liked this! Thanks for sharing!

Jenny said...

Very nice story. (you may want to go in and fix the spelling of some words. :-))

I really liked the name, Rivir. Thanks for sharing this story and congrats on being a winner in the last challenge. Great job!

Morgan said...

You have a magical quality to your writing ;) What I would've given to have had your talent at your age! "like" ;)

meradeth said...

Just a note to say you've made it to the next stage of judging :)

A little tricky to read with the formatting, but worth the effort!

Jess said...

Yeah, sorry about that! I had to post this from the iPhone! Thats why its all messed up...

Jess said...

I know! I'm so sorry about hat but I had to write this post from the iPhone since we are on a cruise ship and only ge internet when we are off the boat! Ill try to fix it asap!

Anyway, despite how hard it was to read, im glad you liked it!

Amy Marie said...

Nice job, Jess! And congrats on making it to the next round!
-The Literary Mom #64

sophs said...

Really enjoyed this! Well done :) Also I posted a blog award on my blog for you if you want it :)x

Alynza Smith said...

I love the poem! Such lovely writing. Congrats on moving up! :)

Gwen said...

I liked the second part best I think. Very nice.


C.M.Brown said...

As you said hard to read at times, but the content is there, can imagine how hard it was trying to complete on an iPhone. Well done, I liked all of your entries!

Melissa said...

Did you change your blog, or is it just me? Anyhow, Great Job!!! -for anyone, but especially one so young. You go, girl!
Melissa Maygrove #14

C.B. Wentworth said...

Great job linking all the prompts! The story is intense and the characters strong. :-)

(But watch out for those pesky spelling errors - yikes!)

Jessica Salyer said...

Beautifully written Jessica. Much better after you fixed the formatting. :)

Traci Kenworth said...

Simply beautifiul....

Treelight said...

Nice little pieces, I think I like the first one best.

(I'm #82.)

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